spooky movie season mini-reviews

little witch academia (2013) &
little witch academia: the enchanted parade

i kinda loved both of these but what finally clicked for me with the second one is that i hate akko as a protagonist. i love literally everyone else, including diana who i’m not supposed to like because she’s bullying the protagonist but like... she is better than her!! she’s brave, she’s constantly saving people from their own fuckups... yeah her elitism sucks, but with some guidance she can grow out of that! and she’s also the only character in this who points out what i immediately thought of the parade, which is that it’s just weird and degrading to throw a parade celebrating the organized mass torture and murder of witches???

akko, on the other hand, is completely selfish and just bulldozes over her friends’ feelings and then does literally nothing to fix it and just waits for them to come back to her which they do???? and i just want to know what i’m supposed to think about any of this.

but like... these still own!!! all the magic action sequences, especially at the parade in the second one, rule. and again i love literally all the other characters i didn’t even get around to gushing about amanda or any of her crew!! i just... hate the protagonist, and she gets rewarded for awful behavior and just... oh gosh oh no she’s just literally harry potter isn’t she.

please tell me she gets better in the series please i’m begging you. b-rank

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halloweentown

this has been on my “i absolutely need to watch this” list for basically ever, but i kept putting it off. largely because i was terrified that i missed the boat by not seeing it as a kid, and it would be one of those nostalgic faves where you watch it too late and you’re like “yeah sorry i don’t get it.”

which would be depressing as heck because the movie is about a town where it’s HECKING ALWAYS HALLOWEEN, ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT IS THE RADDEST THING EVER!!! but of course i ended up liking it, because it’s about a town where IT’S HECKING ALWAYS HALLOWEEN, ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT IS THE RADDEST THING EVER!!!

the timothy dalton, pierce brosnan, and daniel craig bond movies

the living daylights

it’s a good bond movie but it’s still a bond movie? a guilty pleasure to be sure. like, at a point i don’t really know what to say. dalton is a good bond, and both of his movies are good. the propaganda is as thick as usual. it’s all the equivalent of a big shrug. like, i’m just not ever going to go to bat for these movies, even the ones i enjoy.

the “based on disney rides” cinematic universe

tower of terror

“one word: forget it.”

the quote from the hollywood reporter on the cover promises, “a thrill ride!” i have to imagine they’re talking about the theme park ride. i’ve been on that ride once. I DID NOT HAVE A GOOD TIME. so perhaps this was actually appropriate. d-rank

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the country bears

“at country bear hall you could be different and still fit in.”

it was terrible but there were enough things about it that were wildly entertaining to make it on the whole not a terrible experience? the music was surprisingly good for the most part and all the happy family stuff was nice but what really made it worthwhile was a god-tier christopher walken performance. i loved every second he was on the screen. oh and there is a comically-bad scene in a carwash that was so bad it looped back to good. they were just going for it. c-rank

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pirates of the caribbean: the curse of the black pearl

“i’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can 

always trust to be dishonest. honestly.”

extremely brave of hollywood to make billions of dollars making movies about pirates and then tell us not to pirate movies.