jon moxley defeats alcohol, bully ray defeats absolutely nobody

on november 2 of last year, aew star jon moxley voluntarily entered inpatient alcohol rehab. he asked aew president tony khan to announce the reason for his absence via social media as well as giving the green light for it to be explained on aew programming beginning with dynamite the following night. to its credit, aew and the larger wrestling community largely rallied around moxley, highlighting that he was making an extremely positive choice for his health and safety.

on january 19th of this year, moxley returned to a hero’s welcome and cut easily the best promo of his career and beyond that one of the best promos i’ve ever seen in professional wrestling. it was raw, it was emotional, and to my eyes and ears it was heartfelt. it folded what he had been through neatly into his character in a way that made him look like an unmitigated badass, and it continued to set an incredible example of what recovery can look like.

to be honest, i was never a fan of his in his dean ambrose persona in wwe, and i hadn’t seen much of his aew work but what i had seen didn’t really change my mind. but after this promo, i am emphatically a convert. he’s one of the top guys in wrestling for me now, which i realize he has been for others for quite some time, but i’m finally on the train now too.

and then along came fucking bully ray. speaking on busted open radio, the former wwe and impact star said, “i would have liked to have heard just a little bit of accountability from jon. [...] i would have liked to have heard him say a bit of an apology to the aew fans. you don’t have to apologize to the boys even though the boys do count on you but any one of those guys and gals could have the same problems that you did. and trust me, i came up in an era where a slew of men and women had their demons. the fans expect a little bit more from you.” and just… wow? what an absolutely trash take?

if i stopped there i wouldn’t be telling you anything you couldn’t find out on basically any wrestling news site or podcast or etc. but i want to go into some more depth here on just why i think this take misses the mark so spectacularly. the first and most obvious problem is that bully ray’s take is clearly symptomatic of the rather unhealthy attitude capitalism fosters where people’s health and overall well-being are privileged less than other people’s (usually your employer, but sometimes in cases like these paying customers) entitlement to their labor. i don’t really know that there’s a whole lot more to say about that aspect of it, but it bore mentioning.

beyond that, though, the real beauty of how moxley handled this entire situation is the example he set. he made the choice to put his health first, for himself and his family. he admitted he needed help and, more than that, chose to set an example. to show people that recovering from something like alcoholism is seriously badass. and the fact that it didn’t detract from his tough guy image at all, if anything enhanced it, is something i think could help a lot of people who might be able to see him as an inspiration because he was so transparent about what he was going through and how he was handling it.

it’s amazing that bully ray misses the point so completely, but he says specifically of moxley’s fellow wrestlers that “any one of those guys and gals could have the same problems that you did,” and… yes? they could? that’s kind of the entire point of what moxley did? he just showed them exactly how they can handle it if they are going through the same thing as him. what he did is admirable. everyone should feel empowered to do exactly what he did, but they don’t, and one of the surest ways to change that (besides, cough, overthrowing capitalism) is to show them in dramatic fashion what success looks like.

for someone going through what had to have been one of the lowest moments of his life to think about other people and want to actually use that moment to benefit others is just all kinds of incredible. so, yeah, no. i don’t think jon moxley owes anybody an apology. moreover, i don’t want to see him acting like he did something wrong, adding to the stigma that makes it harder for people to open up when they’re having problems and get the help they need. i think he handled this exactly right, and i think what he did has the potential to do a lot of good. especially if people with dumbass takes like bully ray’s can learn to keep their mouth shut about shit they clearly know nothing about.

royal rumble review sorta

 as soon as they flip the pages in their calendars from december to january, wwe fans start thinking about the royal rumble and the beginning of “wrestlemania season.” it’s the most important time of the year as wwe starts building towards the closest thing it has to a super bowl, world series, etc.

many fans (including me) get more excited for the rumble than wrestlemania itself. it’s meant to be a time for the company to showcase all of its talent, a time for fans to feel like anything is possible. but what it really is is a microcosm of the company as a whole.

the wwe is a top-heavy company in a way that i don’t think it’s been since hulkamania ran wild in the 80s. and it’s kind of astonishing for me to see where it is now.

independence day (1996): a review in three acts

[harvesters]—dead! —slain by the [malware] and [computer viruses] against which their systems were unprepared; slain as the [firewalls] [were] being slain; slain, after all man’s devices had failed, by the humblest things that [hackers], in [their] wisdom, [had] put upon this [internet].

i have seen this movie probably close to a hundred times and this rather obvious, probably intentional parallel is only just now occurring to me.

there may not be a movie that’s more straightforward about its three act structure. it’s literally divided into three days, which are signposted with title cards. appropriately, my appreciation of this movie has had three distinct acts as well.

act 1

i’m 11. i’m seeing this movie in theaters for the first time. my level of understanding of politics is getting bullied two years later because i cried when president clinton announced we were bombing iraq. (so like, secretly pretty good actually.) i don’t particularly notice the gulf war being mentioned in the movie.

back then, liking movies is basically preordained. i have toy spaceships and an action figure of one of the aliens before the movie has even come out. the alien action figure is of a “science officer” not seen in the movie. its biomechanical suit is blue, unlike the yellowish white soldier suits we see in the movie. it came with a floppy disc that had a glorified minigame on it. supposedly if you collected all of them it forms a coherent single game? i find that difficult to believe in retrospect.

or i’m 12. i own this movie on vhs. it came with a lenticular motion cover that i peeled off to reveal the regular cover beneath so it would match the rest of my vhs collection better. like i do with most movies at the time, i watch it so many times i can still quote it basically verbatim today. (my two nesting partners can attest to this.)

all i needed this movie to be was a lighthearted 90s action blockbuster where aliens blow up several recognizable landmarks as seen in literally every trailer, and it is absolutely that. i loved jeff goldblum in jurassic park and am excited to see him again. i fall in love with will smith hard. i love all the different cool alien ship designs. between this and the x-files (which gets a shout-out in the movie!) i go through a bit of an Obsessed With Aliens phase. i had that phase with a lot of things as a kid.

probably this was one of my favorite movies for a good long time, but i don’t really think about it too hard? it fits right in on the shelf next to the likes of jurassic park and men in black. i honestly still have no small amount of nostalgia for this era of 90s blockbusters.

kiki’s delivery service is a perfect movie

okay well, the first movie i watched this year just set an impossibly high standard for the rest of the year.

the only thing i could think of to say about it in the immediate aftermath of watching kiki’s delivery service is that it’s a perfect movie. and that still feels somehow insufficient? like i was describing something more mundane or commonplace than this? like i just didn’t have the words to convey how this movie moved me?

this is definitely my favorite ghibli movie, and i think i can say with some degree of confidence that nothing is going to top it. i’ve seen 13 of their 23 films, so i do have a ways to go, but it’s just impossible to imagine me liking anything more. this is such a perfect storm of what i look for in a movie and just… an amazingly good movie on top of that.

this is maybe the best and most accurate depiction of magic i’ve ever seen in a movie, and i’m struggling to think of one that’s even particularly close? kiki’s practice isn’t as visually flashy as you often get in fictional depictions of magic. you get the impression that she’s able to tap into something that’s present in everything, which is exactly how these things actually work. magic itself is much bigger than anything an individual witch might do with it. it’s present in the everyday rhythms of life. it is harmony and balance, yet it is wild and untamable.

this entire movie feels like it’s bathed in magic. characters who aren’t doing anything to intentionally practice magic seem to gather it around themselves instinctively. you see it in their kindness towards each other. you see it retreat when they’re nasty or violent.

this is an incredibly empathetic movie. everyone is so godsdamned wholesome to each other. kiki’s biggest problem is what looks an awful lot like a bout of depression. this leads to her temporarily losing her connection with magic. and that makes sense, too. it’s hard to be in harmony with the world when we are not in harmony with ourselves. and she restores her connection when a friend drags her out to her cabin in the middle of woods, which, yeah! connecting with nature is incredibly grounding, both for mood stabilization and connecting with magic.

also, her friend relating kiki’s experiences with magic to her own experiences with artistic inspiration are very yes! magic is bigger than us, but our relationship with magic is intensely personal. it’s not something that can be forced. when it’s working it’s incredible and when it’s not you have to be patient! seriously, this movie really gets it.

this is also a beautiful movie. i know that’s not exactly a rarity for ghibli movies, but it really is worth mentioning that the art really is noticeably gorgeous. and the scenery is so vibrant. the sky, the oceans, the town, the forest. it contributes to how magical everything feels, but it also just makes it damn pleasant to watch.

so, yeah, my two most recent first watches (this and the matrix resurrections) are both in the running for my favorite movie of all time? i’m gonna force myself to have a cooling off period on both of them before putting them any higher than the last two spots in my top 5, but seriously, wow.

this is everything i look for in a movie, and then some.

this is a perfect movie. s-rank

2021 in review

personally, i had a pretty great year this year. my boyfriend moved in with my fiancx & i, i got to see my other partners... not as much as i’d like, but a non-zero amount, i got meds for my adhd which helped me get back into reading as a hobby (hence the list of favorite first reads included here), and i made even more progress with my transition!

obviously the ongoing pandemic and rapidly deteriorating political situation in my capitalist hellscape of a country was a dark specter hanging over everything, but i still have a lot to be thankful for this year, and i’m going to keep holding on to the things and people i love. i will never stop fighting for them.

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

movies

1. the matrix resurrections s-rank

2. my little pony: a new generation s-rank

3. aquaman a-rank

4. muppets haunted mansion a-rank

5. halloweentown a-rank

6. no time to die a-rank

7. dune (2021) a-rank

8. candyman (2021)

this is just an incredibly good horror movie. i’m genuinely kind of at a loss for what to even say about it. it has one of the best endings of any horror movie ever. it’s so fucking cathartic. a-rank

9. godzilla vs. kong (2021) a-rank

10. ghostbusters: afterlife a-rank

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

books

1. wild magic

by tamora pierce

oh my goddess.

tamora pierce has always been one of those authors who whenever her name came up i felt a vague tugging like i was missing out on something that would be a Really, Really Big Deal to me, so to have that confirmed in such an immediate, overpowering way upon reading my first book by her is stirring feelings i don’t quite have words for.

i have always wanted more fantasy (especially magic-focused fantasy) in my library, but the few times i’ve tried to get into fantasy i’ve been recommended epics with thick plots and paper-thin characters, and like... there’s a REASON i think lord of the rings makes much better movies than it does books, y’all! so to have something THIS exactly what i’m looking for fall into my lap is really something else.

project rewatch 2021 progress

now that my boyfriend moved in with us, he’s gonna join in too! yay!

if you’re just joining us, on our first anniversary my fiancx and i had a slumber party and we decided to each make a list of movies we watched over & over as kids so we could start watching them together. because we’re dorks.

the matrix resurrections (2021)

what if the kind of Love Conquers All story that i was always writing in my messy, earnest high school fanfiction (which should tell you that it’s important and meaningful to me in a way few kinds of narratives are) but set in the universe that taught me how to tell stories? written and directed by one of my favorite filmmakers/heroes? and afforded the weight of a hollywood budget?

i get why some people are disappointed. the score, which helped lift the trilogy to thunderous heights, and even a lot of the visuals are just kinda… not as special? not bad per se, but certainly not what you might expect from a matrix movie. gone are the highly choreographed fight scenes that push the limits of what we’re allowed to expect from fight scenes in hollywood blockbusters, which is doubtless extra disappointing considering how excited everyone was about getting a post-john wick keanu reeves back in the shades.

and yet… and yet.

i’ve heard grumbling about the fact that neo is rescued not because of some grand need for his return, but because bugs & friends… just kinda feel like it? and this so completely misses the point i just kind of don’t even know where to start? like, you really want to tell me it would’ve been better to have some incredibly overwrought, contrived need for neo rather than just… compassion? not wanting your hero to suffer endless torment forever when you can fucking do something about it?

how do you miss that point when it was neo’s kindness to a synthient child decades ago that made the formidable adult she now is willing to help him rescue trinity? his sacrifice that brought humans and synthients (including said synthient girl) together in peace? has it occurred to no one that heroes do the right thing because it’s the right thing?

it also feeds into neo returning to the fold of the human world, and discovering that far from receiving a hero’s welcome with parades he probably would’ve hated anyway, he’s… inconvenient. and that’s way more interesting to me than him getting dragged out kicking and screaming because he’s needed.

it also parallels his desire to save trinity being motivated by, you know, the fact that he fucking loves her. and bugs & sati & co. chomping at the bit to help because it’s the right thing to do.

speaking of which, bugs’ crew (and bugs herself) are a group of messy queer genderfucks, and i am only just now talking about that and am going to move on almost immediately because there is just too much else to talk about. HOW DOES THIS MOVIE EXIST???

the “neo’s main move is basically force push” thing, while a lot more valid of a complaint, actually fits perfectly with the aforementioned “embarrassing” fanfiction that to this day i defiantly refuse to be embarrassed by. on top of that, neo and trinity’s powers are fueled by proximity to each other. their love is so powerful that having them close together powers the entire fucking matrix, but if they get too close they’ll be too powerful and be a threat. and and and they’re forced into taking a leap of faith and trinity is the one who flies this time, reversing their dynamic and showing that she’s just as powerful as neo, making their status as true equals even more obvious (even though they were actually already there in all but superficial power level).

you guys… fuck. this movie caters so perfectly to 15-year-old me it’s almost kinda alarming?

the money shot of this movie is neo and trinity desperately reaching for each other while held back by hordes of armored cops, while the big bad shouts in panic to STOP THEM from touching each other because they’ll be too powerful if they’re united. and one breathtaking action scene later they’re kissing passionately in the real world and i fucking sobbed, y’all. i think i might’ve actually cried harder than i did when trinity died in revolutions, but they were resoundingly happy tears. that… doesn’t happen every day, okay?

and then they confront the analyst to let him know they’re gonna fucking remake the world with literal rainbows in the sky and i just. FUCK! this is exactly the movie i needed right now.

this movie is a godsdamned resounding vindication of the kind of storytelling i was doing as an adolescent, only better in every way. i cannot begin to properly convey how important this is to me. i’m not completely sure this won’t end up being my favorite film of all time after a suitable cooling off period.

and believe it or not, i have some even more personal reasons for loving this movie that i’m not sure it makes sense to talk about, but maybe i will on a subsequent viewing. who knows? all i know is i don’t think i’m gonna run out of things to talk about in this movie anytime soon. i’ve barely scratched the surface. i just needed to get all this out there right now because seriously damn. s-rank